"play again"

the offer is good, it says,
but for a limited time only.
the parts are apparently sold
separately, and the batteries
are most certainly not included.
it continues: this offer is coming
to a theater near you but will
be void where prohibited.
will it be void where i live?
see particular stores for details,
it speaks rapidly, and only
at participating locations.
you must be eighteen or older
to win, and though restrictions
may apply, results may vary.
some do not even get a chance to lose, i thought.
one must allow six to eight weeks
for delivery, no c.o.d.'s accepted.
when will the expected side effects,
of which i think i caught
incontinence and death, arrive?
sorry, it tells me, play again.